Dear Abby: My oldest and dearest friend talked about renting a house in Puerto Rico for her family and mine.

Dear Abby: Recently, my oldest and dearest friend (from kindergarten) talked about renting a house in Puerto Rico for her family and mine. We talk often and have remained close over the years. I consider his family as part of my family.

She recently informed me that she had gone ahead and booked the trip with her sister-in-law, nephews and parents without telling me a word. I was extremely hurt and when I told him, his response was, “Well, I didn’t make the arrangements; my sister-in-law did. There will be young children, and I know you don’t want to do that. (I had already told her that when my husband and I go on vacation, we prefer adults only hotels.) I am disappointed and angry. Should I end our friendship or just let it go?

Excluded in New York

Dear Excluded: If this is the first time something like this has happened, forget it. If it keeps happening, and I doubt it does, then reevaluate the friendship.

Dear Abby: My husband died seven years ago. My eldest son, “Danny”, is 29 years old and is getting married. He has a brother, “Adam”, who is 19, and they have always gotten along well. I’m really upset that Adam wasn’t invited to the wedding party, at least as a groomsman.

I’m sure my husband, if he was alive, would have had a chat with Danny about this – especially since ALL OF my husband’s FOUR brothers were at our wedding party as well as his best friend. I’m upset to have to bring this to Danny’s attention, but I need to settle this without angering him. What is your opinion?

matter of scruples

Dear subject: Scruples may have less to do with it than budget restrictions or Adam’s young age. By all means, tell Danny about it, but after that, stay away from it. Your marriage was yours; this one is that of Danny and his fiancée.

Dear Abby: My son (my only child) lives with his fiancée. Her marriage, which gave birth to my eldest grandson, is finally over. He has two boys with the bride. She and I never agreed. When my son and I argue, she prevents me from seeing my grandsons. It’s very difficult for me to bond with them, lest she drive them away forever. What should I do? In fact, I hold back my emotions because I’m scared.

On eggshells in Washington

Expensive on eggshells: If you and your son have a working relationship (apart from the occasional disagreement), discuss it with him and be upfront about it. His fiancée shouldn’t use the kids to punish you. However, if your son doesn’t stop what he’s doing, it makes sense to protect your emotions and not feel guilty for doing it. If that means keeping them in regards to your son’s children, that would be the healthiest course of action.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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